Vultures, Slugs and the Stupodic

Most people know what a vulture is. We, in the south, call them buzzards.
Most people also know that slugs wear too much hair grease and leave little trails of it behind them.
Through the magic of copy and paste (from Urban Dictionary), I’m teaching y’all a new word today-stupodic.

Stupodic
stupid-idiot(ic) (n or adj); this can refer to a person or an act;
the complete opposite of genius
That guy is stupodic.
The war in Iraq is stupodic.
Although Albert Einstein was a genius to most people, when it came to basic math, he was stupodic.”

This word just rolls off of my tongue and will, from this day forth, be my favorite word. When I’m driving, I’ll call people stupodic instead of the things that my grandchildren say are “bad words, Pappy”. When a particular subcontractor, supplier or consultant does not meet a deadline, it’ll sound much better to say stupodic than what I usually say. This word has more than 4 letters. Ergo, it is socially acceptable in most circumstances. Yep…I like it.

My big question is, “How in Sam Hell did we let new car dealerships get in the control of aliens from the planet Coo Coo”?

Why were there no less than 20 buzzards in white shirts on the lot where an innocent couple pulled off the road to look at new cars in the comfort of their broke-down POS? Why was the buzzard that jumped on the hood of Ole Yeller flailing his arms and yelling, “how may I assist you fine folks today” with Bob Marley’s accent? Why was his butt so high off the ground that it didn’t match the top half of his body? Why was his shirt collar sized for Mike Tyson when his neck was the same measurement as a Great Blue Heron’s? As if that wasn’t spooky enough, why did he lift his feet straight up above his knees when he walked like Boris Karloff on that old black and white movie? What do the buzzards do when there ain’t nobody on the lot? How many buzzards does it take to flag down one couple? Okay, I’ll admit it…that last one was rhetorical.

Why did the only normal person there talk about his Corvette the whole time we were looking at a 50 MPG box?

Why did that guy and the slugs trade heiroglyphics and get all animated when they talked while we were inside resting? How did those slugs get past homeland security and the airport xray when they came here from Coo Coo? Where do the slugs go when they aren’t in the cage in the middle of the showroom? Why was the tallest slug the boss of them all and of the salesman?

And, how did the slugs get so stupodic?

I ain’t too proud to admit that my algebra skills are sorely lacking and that I never attempted trigonometry. But, the stupodic slugs from Coo Coo can’t do simple math and I can. Mrs Loving Beauty sat there with her mouth open and her eyes slightly rolled in the back of her head when the salesman came back with the first “offer” from the slugs as well. She can count too.

Who in tarnation would ever trade and get taken just because they could afford the payment? Evidently everyone that ever goes to that dealership except me and Mrs Loving Beauty because that’s what the slug kept asking, “can you afford that payment”. And every time that I piped up to say something like, “you dumb alien slug, that ain’t got nothing to do with the price of that car”, I got a kick and the stink eye from Loving. And everybody that walked by couldn’t believe that the slug was standing there holding a piece of paper and an eighty dollar pen and I wasn’t signing nothing.

Why do the aliens try to confuse you with crap like, black book value, blue book value, secondary market, wholesale, retail and auctions? If you are looking for a fair trade, why do they talk about payments? How can they look straight in your eyes and talk Coo Coo? Why do they always answer a question with a question?

Why did the stupodic slug think that I’d stay there another ten minutes after I’d heard him spewing senseless terms and numbers for the last hour?

I heard a radio commercial from the country station in Orlando today that was hollering about a car dealership over there that’ll let you buy a car on the internet. I believe that I’ll check up on that and stay away from being right in the same room with stupodic slugs.

You never know. Stupodic slugism from the planet Coo Coo may be contagious.